Staying Positive Around Like-Minded People

The Archangels Encourage Us to Focus on the Light, Rather than the Dark

I know a lady who gets along with pretty much everyone.  She’s well-respected within her field, she’s got a great personality, and she’s just all around wonderful.  After going to lunch with her colleagues on several occasions, she made the choice to stop joining the outings, because politically speaking, she was the loner among the group and invariably, the conversation eventually included politics, and their views were not in any way agreeable, and they voiced those views strongly, with little patience for the opposition. 

They were never personally insulting or aggressive, but they had a tendency to gang up on her, and she got tired of giving her opinions to a group who banned together in opposition.  Initially, they told her they’d stop doing that, and they probably tried, but invariably, politics would resurface, and as she told them, they couldn’t help themselves but to push and defend their views to the limit.  There were no hard feelings, but the social get-togethers came to an end for her, and she never regretted it, because her peace of mind outweighed her need to socialize.

Getting together with friends can be wonderful in so many ways, especially if you are similar in many of your beliefs and enjoy sharing opinions and experiences, but it’s easy for a group discussion involving people with similar opinions to devolve into a gripe session, and that doesn’t usually lead to a positive experience.  My brother-in-law and I are both retired teachers, and it’s easy to fall into the trap of reliving the “bad old days” together when we dealt with troublesome parents, students, administrators, policies, etc.  It’s one thing to vent and unwind, but when the memories trigger old anger, aggravation, and trauma, they serve more as setbacks than they do as therapy or enjoyment. 

There is so much separation and polarity among people these days, it’s easy to fall into the “us” vs. “them” mindset, and that’s a real danger when among like-minded people, and it doesn’t solve anything.  We really need to find ways to come together, rather than widen the gap between us, if we want to affect positive change.  Everybody needs an outlet to complain and commiserate from time to time, but we can’t get stuck in accusation and the blame game.  When you spend time with angry people, that anger can escalate, and that’s never a good thing personally or for the group.  I asked the Archangels for some guidance in how to navigate situations like that and how we can ensure that more positivity arises from these discussions and occasions, rather than negativity, and their answer follows.

Question:  How can we balance positivity with negativity when spending time with like-minded people who are bothered by the same things that bother us?

Answer:

This is such a timely question to consider.  We have said many times that unity is the key to changing the world for the better.  The great divide that you see now among people serves as a barrier to progress and change.  You must find a way to close the gap between you and realize that you have more in common with each other than you have differences, and this can be difficult, especially when the only people you spend time with think just like you do.  This, also, is a balance.  Of course, it is usually more pleasant to socialize with those who are similar to you, but when you find yourself around others with differing viewpoints, you have an opportunity to learn and understand in ways that you cannot usually get from people who think like you.  Learning and understanding are paths to self-growth, and they can also lead to situations of compromise and collaboration that benefit all involved.

If you need to share your angst and frustration with friends in order to clear your mind and feel supported, there is nothing wrong with that, as long as it does not devolve into anger towards others who think differently or increase your anger, because it is being encouraged.  Low vibrational emotions are a fact of life, but it does not serve you well to wallow in them and get stuck in their mire.  It is far better to acknowledge those feelings, then make a choice to release them in favor of something better. 

There is a difference between support and encouragement.  It is good to give and receive support for whatever you are feeling, but if those feelings are negative, the only encouragement that is helpful is being encouraged to release that energy and consider alternatives that better serve you, not to mention finding solutions to the problems they stem from, rather than adding to or dwelling on those problems.  The key is to replace focusing on problems with focusing on possible solutions.

One way to do that is to try to understand the other point of view better.  What drives the opposition?  Where are they coming from?  What experiences do they have that lead them to believe as they do?  What can you recognize as being similar circumstances? 

While it is sometimes tempting to degrade “them,” it is much more productive to try to understand “them.”  Many strong, oppositional opinions are based in fear.  Rather than disagreeing with and focusing on their opposing viewpoints, can you instead relate to the fears they have?  You may not ever agree with the solutions they endorse, but can you see past those to the basis of their fears and their needs to solve the problems they face?  It is likely that you share some of those same concerns.

If you must spend some time complaining and commiserating, that is understandable, but know that it will not solve anything, even if you feel the support and need the validation.  It is important to go beyond those aspects and reach a point of contemplation and consider mutual options to address problems.  The more brains working on a problem, the better chance there is of solving it.  Can you and your group agree to seek compassion for those who disagree with you?  Can you identify similarities?  There is little point in including the views of extremists who are so overcome with fear and anger they are irrational, but most people are not extremists.  Most people crave relief more than power.  Does anyone in your group know someone like this, who is struggling and wants a better life?  Is that not true of everyone?

It is a good idea to end a discussion with positive views, rather than negative views.  If you spend time talking about the chaos, make it a point to also discuss hope, both that you see in progress and that you visualize.  It is better to support a friend’s happiness and wellbeing than to encourage their fear and anger.  Help each other to embrace the light, rather than the darkness, welcome the positive, rather than the negative.  Do not fall prey to simply indulging in and strengthening each other’s negativity.  Instead, remind each other that you are powerful and capable of handling the challenges you face, and that you are not alone, that you have each other.  Do not blame others for your circumstances.  Rather, find ways to improve them together, and hope that others, even those who oppose you, find their way through their problems, as well.

You have a saying on Earth that misery loves company.  It is natural to flock towards others who can relate to what you are going through, but rather than compiling that misery and adding to and focusing on it, work together to solve problems and overcome them, whether by finding solutions to them or simply by finding the strength and comfort to outlast them.  You do this by encouraging positivity, not aggravating negativity.  Support each other in finding compassion for others, in finding solutions, in understanding the opposition better, and in exercising determination and perseverance in overcoming challenges and hardships.

Final Thoughts

As tempting as it is to jump on the bandwagon and criticize the people and situations that aggravate us the most when we’re among people we know who agree with us, it’s not very productive.  Sure, everyone needs to vent from time to time, and that can be therapeutic, but it’s not going to solve any problems. 

A dear friend and I were talking about this very thing recently, and she shared a strategy with me that she uses whenever she gets together with a group and things veer off into what begins with commiseration and escalates into negativity towards opposing viewpoints and those who hold them.  She gives her friends a chance to vent for a while then she gets their attention and asks,

“Okay, so what’s something positive we can take from this discussion?  How can we either cope better with the things that antagonize us or how can we begin to bridge the gap between us and those who disagree with us and solve the problem?” 

She challenges them to move beyond the griping and complaining and gain something more hopeful and helpful.  The goal is to get “unstuck” and move beyond simply complaining to discussing possible solutions.  What a great idea!

Friends are great, and there’s nothing wrong with sharing concerns and problems.  We should support each other, but the goal should never include aggravating an already tense situation or targeting those who oppose our views, even if it is only using words to describe them.  Words and thoughts have energy.  Energy affects everything, and it can certainly lead to actions.  Let’s make sure our words, thoughts, and actions focus on positive outcomes at some point, without malice or vitriol aimed at others.  To cast blame and accusations focuses on negativity.  I think it’s better to keep an open mind and consider alternatives and solutions that have the potential to fix the problems we all face, rather than judging and condemning the people who disagree with us.  If our intents and thoughts are heart-centered and seek thoughtful solutions meant to help everyone involved, we’re more likely to find common ground and achieve our goals and hopes for a better future.

The intent for Friday night meditation with the Archangels for this month is Courage.  It takes courage to step into a conversation, even when amongst friends, and guide it from the dark into the light.  If you’d like to add your energy into the mix, simply call on the Archangels and focus on the idea of courage for everyone to deal with whatever they’re going through and to find a better path through adversity and add your loving energy into the mix.  Time and place are not important, just join in whenever you’re available.

I hope you have a courageous and wonderful weekend, and if you get together with friends, I hope the time spent is positive, enjoyable, and enlightening. 

Blessings, all.